Limit Setting

In order to follow rules and understand limits, children need to develop self-control.

Self-control and self-regulation are complex skills beginning to emerge in the early months. They become increasingly consistently apparent between four and five years old. Self-regulation takes many years to fully develop — and adults may struggle with this skill from time to time! Limit setting starts at 0-12 months not when you hit testing times with a 3 year old!

Developing Self-Control 0-12 months

Babies naturally act on their thoughts and feelings over which they have no conscious control. They are unable to reflect on or think about their behavior. And they can’t stop themselves from acting on their impulses.

The baby needs your help to develop some self-control and will gradually learn about and gain some self-control across the first year. One of the most important factors in developing self-control is the ability to soothe and calm when upset. Initially, this skill is provided by their caregiver by cuddling, rocking, talking calmly, feeding and putting a dummy in their mouth. The parent attempts to understand the baby's facial expressions, non-verbal body language communication and cries to help in meeting her daily needs. The sense of being loved and understood gives babies a foundation of safety and security and is essential for coping with feelings in a positive healthy way.

What You Can Do Now To Help Your Baby Gain Self-Control

• Stay calm - demonstrating you can manage your emotions is essential in being able to teach your baby the same skills. This helps her feel safe and then she knows you are available to help her (not dealing with your own emotions and calming down). Modelling self-control is an essential part of helping her work out how to calm herself.

• Provide basic tools - teach your baby basic calm techniques, at 8 months plus helping her find her comforter or pacifier to help calm herself. Avoid giving it to her and putting it in her hand or mouth. Once you give it to her you are creating learned helplessness and she will not attempt to help herself long-term.

• Demonstrate self-help techniques - show your baby how to calm himself, provide a teething rusk or teething aid such as Sophie the Giraffe to help him whilst he is teething. Show him acceptable ways of helping himself rather than chastising him for ways you don't want him to use e.g. biting your finger.

Daily Routines Help Develop Security and Self-Control

Routines are events that happen at the same time each day and usually in a particular order. They act as a cue to help the baby know what is likely to happen next. They create security and decrease cortisol and help a baby navigate change and challenging situations.

How you can help

• Determine if there are any particular times of day your baby has a meltdown. Is there a common denominator e.g. around mealtimes or nap times? Organize trips at the baby's 'best' time of day.

• Use baby massage, reading and soothing lullabies to help calm your baby from activity time to a restful nap.

https://cdn.shopify.com/s/files/1/0612/7760/2021/t/11/assets/description_image_Linda_Gillespie_presentation.pdf?v=1644490371

Get in tune with your baby

Does your baby have a very definite strong personality and temperament and are they resistant to change? Working out your baby's 'type' can help you manage them much better.

A baby’s temperament can have an impact on a caregiver’s ability to meet the baby’s needs. Temperament refers to a person’s characteristics or traits that are biologically based and consistent over time. It influences how we respond to people and our surroundings.

Temperament characteristics shape how easily babies and toddlers are able to manage their feelings and impulses, especially traits e.g.

• Mood
• Intensity to particular situations
• Adaptability

Children who have a more negative mood, are intense reactors and/or who are not very flexible or adaptable may have a more difficult time developing self-control.

They tend to get upset more easily and will probably need more help from you the parent to calm down. This doesn’t mean their temperament is somehow “wrong” or “bad.” But because their reactions are so strong, it may take more time to learn how to manage intense feelings and responses.

https://www.zerotothree.org/resources/1283-developing-self-control-from-0-12-months

How You Can Help Your Baby With Impulse Control

Help your baby learn to self-soothe and calm herself, the more in control she feels the happier she will be. This is a skill which has to be taught and it won't just happen by chance. Allow your baby to have a voice, to be allowed to cry and express herself. The key thing is you help her with her emotions and avoid letting her cry alone. This is why teaching babies self-soothing skills early is the key to good emotional health as a child and an adult.

Observe your baby and try to understand her feeding and hunger cues. Study her verbal and non-verbal communication, what is she trying to tell you? Once babies feel heard and understood they become much calmer.

And if you’re battling with getting your little one to sleep then... You need to know about my NEWLY launched online #nurturesleepprogram ??

You'll have direct access to me and my 3 decades of experience as a registered midwife and child and family health nurse via the Nurture Sleep Program.

You can take your baby from sleepless to slumber in up to 7 easy lessons across 3 age groups once you join. Toddler section coming soon.

https://nurtureparenting.com.au/nurture-sleep-program

 FOODS that promote baby sleep
 ROUTINE: easy, flexible, sleep-ready
 ENVIRONMENT: getting it right
 DEVELOPMENT: changes, how these affect sleep
 SLEEP METHODS: secret tips that will change your life

It will stop the guesswork and give you:

✅ A tried and tested approach (20 years of helping families with baby & toddler sleep)
✅ Evidence-based
✅ Gentle baby sleep methods
✅ Holistic assessment
✅ Nurture & Nourish nutrition program – all recipes have sleep-inducing ingredients and a perfect balance for a good nights sleep
✅ Access to a closed Facebook group for one on one support from Karen and 90+ timecoded Facebook Live videos
✅ Prevention for under 4 months so no need to do sleep training ever
✅ And all at a low $97 for a very limited time