Has your baby has learned to stand and no longer sleeping? I got the following help message from a mum …🗣️ Hi Karen, My little boy Hunter is now nine and a half months old.In the last two weeks he has learned to crawl and pull himself up to stand. His favorite pastime at the moment is to stand in the cot when he should be napping. I've been waiting a few minutes, then going in and laying him back down. Saying, "Sleep time" and leaving.I usually have to do this multiple times. Sometimes he sits after standing for a while, and from what I can see in the monitor, it looks like he can't figure out how to lie down again. So I go in and lay him back down. Say, "Sleep time" and leave again.He doesn't always cry out and if he does it's very brief and he will sometimes be happily playing even though he's due for a nap and showing tired signs. I'm worried he sees me going in as a game. Will he eventually work it out on his own? …..MY RESPONSE …No, he won't work it out on his own. Yes, he does think it's a game.He needs to learn how to do this. You're showing him, but he's not learning.That sounds like you've got a strong personality here with Hunter. If you lie him down 40 times …1. He's not learning how to do this 2. You're really ticking him offHe's going to be not happy about this. And all that keeps happening is the Jack in the box. He jumps back up again and again and again. It's a game.You're making him angry. So what you need to do instead is goin the room and lie on the floor on day one, and pretend to be asleep.Get a little pillow. By day 2 you need to be on the chair and doing my Magic Presence™ technique. If you want to know how to do this it's in the online program.➡️ https://nurtureparenting.com.au/nurture-sleep-program/It looks at how you manage this standing up and sitting down behaviour. But the worst thing you can do is just is to keep on laying him down and to leave it.Boys struggle with stress. So the in and out method wouldn't work.You need to be in there to give him the message that he needs to go to sleep. And how do you give them the message?You show that you're asleep yourself. But if you lie on the floor forever you've moved in, so you need to move on with the process. If you want to know more about it it's in the online program. But that's what you need to do.➡️ https://nurtureparenting.com.au/nurture-sleep-program/You get very very angry children and to me, it just feels a bit a little bit disrespectful.You get very very angry children and to me, it just feels a bit little bit disrespectful.We're forcing him to do something that he's not quite ready to do. Sleep and laying down the cot, it has to come of their own volition, when they are ready. You know it's like anything in life. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. …..Learn more about the Magic Presence™ technique mentioned in this video when you join my Nurture Sleep Program.Sleep and laying down the cot, it has to come of their own volition when they are ready. You know it's like anything in life. You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink. You will take your child from sleepless to slumber when you join the program at this link ..You'll access my 3 decades of experience as a registered midwife and child and family health nurse.You will take your child from sleepless to slumber when you join the program.➡️ https://nurtureparenting.com.au/nurture-sleep-program🍌 FOODS that promote baby and toddler sleep⏰ ROUTINE: easy, flexible, sleep-ready💡 ENVIRONMENT: getting it right👶🏽 DEVELOPMENT: changes, how these affect sleep😴 SLEEP METHODS: secret tips that will change your lifeIt will stop the guesswork and give you …✅ A tried and tested approach (20 years of helping families with baby & toddler sleep)✅ Evidence-based✅ Gentle baby and toddler sleep methods✅ Holistic assessment✅ Nurture & Nourish nutrition program – all recipes have sleep-inducing ingredients and a perfect balance for a good nights sleep✅ Access to a closed Facebook group for one on one support from Karen and 90+ timecoded Facebook Live videos✅ Prevention for under 4 months so no need to do sleep training ever✅ And all at a low $97 for a very limited timeClick here to join …➡️ https://nurtureparenting.com.au/nurture-sleep-programWant to know what's involved in my sleep training methods? Read this ..➡️ https://nurtureparenting.com.au/baby-sleep-training-gentle-methods/Watch a sleep program review🎥 https://www.facebook.com/watch/?v=652793831916409Click here to join 👇➡️ https://nurtureparenting.com.au/nurture-sleep-program/…..You'll also want to get your 3 sample chapters from my ebook – "Baby Massage: The Magic of Touch".Go to this link and tell me where to send them👉 https://i8cs6tc8.pages.infusionsoft.net…..#nurtureparenting #getbettersleep #babysleep #sleep #baby #sleeptraining #sleepprogram #onlinesleepprogram
Hi Karen, My little boy Hunter is now nine and a half months old.
In the last two weeks he has learned to crawl and pull himself up to stand. His favorite pastime at the moment is to stand in the cot when he should be napping. I’ve been waiting a few minutes, then going in and laying him back down. Saying, “Sleep time” and leaving.
I usually have to do this multiple times. Sometimes he sits after standing for a while, and from what
I can see in the monitor, it looks like he can’t figure out how to lie down again. So I go in and lay him back down. Say, “Sleep time” and leave again.
He doesn’t always cry out and if he does it’s very brief and he will sometimes be happily playing even though he’s due for a nap and showing tired signs.
I’m worried he sees me going in as a game.Will he eventually work it out on his own?
MY RESPONSE …
No, he won’t work it out on his own. Yes, he does think it’s a game. He needs to learn how to do this. You’re showing him, but he’s not learning. That sounds like you’ve got a strong personality here with Hunter. If you lie him down 40 times …
He’s not learning how to do this
You’re really ticking him off
He’s going to be not happy about this. And all that keeps happening is the Jack in the box. He jumps back up again and again and again. It’s a game.
You’re making him angry. So what you need to do instead is go in the room and lie on the floor on day one, and pretend to be asleep. Get a little pillow.
By day 2 you need to be on the chair and doing my Magic Presence™ technique. If you want to know how to do this it’s in the online program.
It looks at how you manage this standing up and sitting down behaviour. But the worst thing you can do is just is to keep on laying him down and to leave it.
Boys struggle with stress. So the in and out method wouldn’t work. You need to be in there to give him the message that he needs to go to sleep. And how do you give them the message? You show that you’re asleep yourself.
But if you lie on the floor forever you’ve moved in, so you need to move on with the process. If you want to know more about it it’s in the online program. But that’s what you need to do.
You get very very angry children and to me, it just feels a bit a little bit disrespectful. We’re forcing him to do something that he’s not quite ready to do.
Sleep and laying down the cot, it has to come of their own volition, when they are ready. You know it’s like anything in life. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it drink.
Learn more about the Magic Presence™ technique mentioned in this video when you join my Nurture Sleep Program.
You will take your child from sleepless to slumber when you join the program.
You’ll access my 3 decades of experience as a registered midwife and child and family health nurse. You will take your child from sleepless to slumber when you join the program. https://nurtureparenting.com.au/nurture-sleep-program
FOODS that promote baby and toddler sleep
ROUTINE: easy, flexible, sleep-ready
ENVIRONMENT: getting it right
DEVELOPMENT: changes, how these affect sleep
SLEEP METHODS: secret tips that will change your life It will stop the guesswork and give you …
A tried and tested approach (20 years of helping families with baby & toddler sleep)
Evidence-based Gentle baby and toddler sleep methods
Nurture & Nourish nutrition program – all recipes have sleep-inducing ingredients and a perfect balance for a good nights sleep
Access to a closed Facebook group for one on one support from Karen and 90+ timecoded Facebook Live videos
Prevention for under 4 months so no need to do sleep training ever And all at a low $97 for a very limited time
Click here to join … https://nurtureparenting.com.au/nurture-sleep-program
Want to know what’s involved in my sleep training methods? Read this .. https://nurtureparenting.com.au/baby-sleep-training-gentle-methods/
In this blog, I’m giving you my go-to toddler & child behaviour parenting books. I’m going to give you a little run down on each one and it’s main messages. This is not a definitive list and there are many many more books that I have read and own in my vast collection. This list is the most helpful list from my point of view. The boring as bat$3it books are not on this list and believe me there are way too many to list in this category!
Nurture Shock by Po Bronson & Ashley Merriman
The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel, Tina Payne Bryson
The Conscious Parent by Shefali Tsabery
There’s No Such Thing As Bad Weather by Linda Akeson McGurk
French Children Don’t Throw Food by Pamela Druckerman
No Bad Kids by Janet Lansbury
Co-operative & Connected by Aletha Solter
Jo Frosts Toddler Rules by Jo Frost
The No-Cry Discipline Solution by Elizabeth Pantley
Children Are People Too by Dr Louise Porter
Heart to Heart Parenting by Robin Grille
Toddler Taming by Christopher Green
Toddler Taming by Christopher Green
The very first book I ever read on parenting and helping manage toddler and child behaviour was Christopher Green’s Toddler Taming. Whilst it may not have stood the test of time from a PC point of view and I don’t share his recommendations of smacking children. It does give you much-needed humour and a lot of his strategies do work. Christopher Green is a respected Australian paediatrician who until recently worked at Westmead. He talks about his trials and tribulations as a parent and how he approached typical parent pain points such as potty training. It is a very real book rather than a boring as cardboard academic book, of which there are way too many.
Next, I’m jumping to the very top of my list of top 10 parenting books. My background in Psychology (I have a psychology degree and in the UK we used Psychological techniques to help children with both sleep and behaviour). So a lot of my interest and reading is deeply rooted in science and fact and especially psychology.
Nurture Shock by Po Bronson & Ashley Merriman
The researchers who wrote this book are both psychologists and this book is based on scientific fact and things we as parents are getting very wrong. The very first chapter, The Inverse Power of Praise examines the effect of empty praise e.g. clever boy, good girl and why labelled praise can mean your child achieves a third better in life. Addictive reading. The other chapters cover what the lost hour of sleep is doing to our children, why parents don’t talk about race, why kids lie, Why school tests (NAPLAN for example) are poor predictors of academic success, The sibling effect, The Science of Teen Rebellion, Can Self-Control Be Taught? What does plays well with others really mean? And language skills, can you get your child to start talking earlier with flashcards and other gimmicks?
Another section I found fascinating was the one on teaching self-control and impulsivity. There are some great ideas at the end of this chapter for applications in everyday parenting life. Something you need to read especially if you have a child with a high IQ.
Once you’ve read this book it will open your eyes to some of the mistruths we are being fed.
The Whole-Brain Child by Daniel J. Siegel, Tina Payne Bryson
I’m currently reading this on my Kindle at the mo. Because I’ve studied Psychology there are no big surprises in this book for me. However, I think it’s a must-read for any parent. It explains why toddlers and children struggle with logic and other concepts we take for granted. Everything under 3 years is about emotion. Are you a parent who communicates with a logical left brain or are you able to only use the emotional right brain? Once you realise this it will help you communicate differently with your little one and allow for their developing brain. After all, the brain does not reach maturity until the early ’20s and there are some older adults who struggle with logic in their older years!
The Conscious Parent by Shefali Tsabery
I first discovered Shefali 3-4 years ago whilst blogging and daytime TV was on in the background. I remember David and Sonia saying Oprah thinks this lady is the best thing since sliced bread in the world of parenting and once they mentioned the word attunement they had me hooked. She’s a psychologist and mum of a teenage girl. Her books and work are deep, meaningful and highly spiritual. You will either love her as I do or it will not be your thing. But, for one thing she will most certainly get you thinking.
There’s No Such Thing As Bad Weather by Linda Akeson McGurk
This is the Swedish book of parenting and concentrates on outdoor play and the benefits this has on brain development. It’s a highly optimistic upbeat book and will give you hope for the future and the world you are raising your child in. Another advantage of reading this book is the humour that comes with it. Parenting without humour is like chewing 2-month-old stale dry bread. Basically don’t do it!! It will have you going out come rain, hail or shine. As Linda says ‘there is no such thing as bad clothes’. This is basically my childhood in a nutshell. It also comes with solid evidence-based scientific reasons for doing outdoors play. It will bring joy back to your parenting with a plethora of commonsense and practical ideas. I LOVED this book.
French Children Don’t Throw Food by Pamela Druckerman
I first read this book about 7 years ago and I wanted to hate it but it’s actually my favourite book on parenting. The main message in this book is about The Pause, wait and see, don’t jump in, can your child do whatever the behaviour is by themselves? Most of the time yes they can and we jump in waaaaay too quickly. Those of you who know me and my sleep training methods very well will recognise the pause as The 3-Minute Magic Rule! A lot of dads love this book, it’s full of common-sense, highly logical and practical and best of all it works. And it’s a really easy and good read. Tick, tick, tick from me.
I’m finishing up today’s blog right here. The remaining 5 books I will blog about next. I hope you enjoyed this little saunter through my library and I hope it helped some of you decide what is worth more than a cursory glance at.
Today’s blog is looking at things we need to know about baby development and baby sleep. Moving babies on to the next stage cause mums a lot of angst. You’ve just got your little cutie sleeping really well then comes along those pesky developmental leaps. They start rolling over, moving around the cot and getting stuck and screaming out for you to help them.
I also see many babies being swaddled for way too long, often swaddled until 7/8 months old creating a big issue with sleep. This interferes with their ability to self-soothe and rollover. If your baby can’t put their bare hands in their mouth and roll over its very tricky to achieve a sleep through. Research has found a link between lack of mouthing and sensory processing issues. This reflex and developmental skill for mouthing i.e. placing their hands in their mouth take place around 12 weeks.
These are really common scenarios I get asked about:
My 4.5-month-old just learnt how to roll today! Yay! Only she can’t roll herself back and for her last two periods of sleep she could not settle herself as she’s never slept on her tummy before and essentially “got stuck”.
It took half an hour for us to settle her – eventually on her back like she’s used to. But how do we teach her that she can sleep on her tummy and not only use it for cobra pose??
Worried about her getting to bed tonight 😳 Any help would be greatly appreciated! Thanks in advance!
Best thing I can tell you is that it will pass. In future try settling her on their tummy to teach her that tummy sleeping is normal and what she should be doing. Once they can roll they are not a SIDS risk. This stage is a pretty short-lived thing so just keep rolling him to his back to sleep and after some nights she will be able to just roll both ways and it will be fine.
Sit by the cot, place your hand briefly on her back to teach her this is what you want her to do. Allow her to cry and feel frustrated. You don’t need to calm her, the baby’s job is to calm themselves. Your job is to be present and support this process.
But you don’t want to create “learned helplessness” where they need you to roll them – temporarily it’s OK if it’s just a learning curve but be careful. And lots and lots of rolling practice in the day! Use toys to teach him to roll front to back. And know that it will pass!
The next stage is 6-9 months and they get stuck sitting up 🙈😂 just know it will pass and help him/her work through it and settle him down, lots of teaching in the day etc. good luck!! Oh, and just in case it helps…a few bad nights of them learning these new things doesn’t undo your sleep work. They are just leaping their brains! It does go back 🙂
This is one mums story – For those who have not long gone through 8-month leap and separation awareness. My poor little pet is now crying when I put her in bed AND catnapping, she also woke at 4.30 am which is unusual. I tried magic presence this afternoon. After a 30 min nap. 20 minutes of crying 😭 (I had earphones in to take the edge off) how long did this last for you?
I’d love your tips and any advice you can offer about how to deal with the waking?
My son has been through this stage a few time’s (6, 8 and 11 months) he turns 1 tomorrow. If she responded well to your initial sleep training, it won’t take long. First, 2 stages lasted 2-4 days and the last one just 1 day. You’ll both get there!!
My lad is still going through at nearly 11 months, I’m sorry, not helpful but we kept giving in and putting him in bed with us and now have made it so much harder for him so my advice is don’t be as soft as me because you’ll only make it harder for him like I have for my lad
my first baby was a dreadful sleeper. This time we decided to be firm early. I’m hoping that this won’t last too long. I get anxious about big changes because of past experiences 😱
We went through separation anxiety a few months ago and impacted his sleep he would panic when we put him in the cot and I checked some previous posts on the group and Karen had advised to going back to doing Magic Presence as soon as settling to sleep so we went back to doing magic presence for about 5 weeks- and within a few days it all got sorted and was so worth it. It also really helped his separation anxiety during the day. It really does get better – you got this 🙌🏻
We just go through it 😫😫 I was being soft like above picking up and cuddling. Karen advised to go back to doing Magic Presence and I’m happy to report that after a few days of tough love (magic presence, no pickups at all) she cried for maybe 2 minutes before bed last night then put herself to sleep without me having to go in. Day naps have also improved too! Be strong you can get through it xx
And literally within no time, things are back on track. And if they’re not then you need the new online Nurture Sleep Program to help you.
Toddlers are designed to push boundaries and it comes naturally to these cute little mini dictators. The danger as their parent is you forget to maintain your boundary or limit setting. Until the toddler’s boundary becomes the new status quo. Then you are in for a whole heap of trouble and pain. I liken the toddler to a mini dictator or CEO, they want to be an adult before they’re a child. And they will do everything in their power to get exactly what it is they think they need.
In order to follow rules and understand limits, children need to develop self-control.
Self-control and self-regulation are complex skills beginning to emerge in the early months. They become increasingly consistently apparent between four and five years old. Self-regulation takes many years to fully develop — and adults may struggle with this skill from time to time! Limit setting starts at 0-12 months not when you hit testing times with a 3 year old!
Developing Self-Control 0-12 months
Babies naturally act on their thoughts and feelings over which they have no conscious control. They are unable to reflect on or think about their behavior. And they can’t stop themselves from acting on their impulses.
The baby needs your help to develop some self-control and will gradually learn about and gain some self-control across the first year. One of the most important factors in developing self-control is the ability to soothe and calm when upset. Initially this skill is provided by their caregiver by cuddling, rocking, talking calmly, feeding and putting a dummy in their mouth. The parent attempts to understand the baby’s facial expressions, non-verbal body language communication and cries to help in meeting her daily needs. The sense of being loved and understood gives babies a foundation of safety and security and is essential for coping with feelings in a positive healthy way.
What You Can Do Now To Help Your Baby Gain Self-Control
Stay calm – demonstrating you can manage your emotions is essential in being able to teach your baby the same skills. This helps her feel safe and then she knows you are avaialble to help her (not dealing with your own emotions and calming down). Modelling self-control is an essential part of helping her work out how to calm herself.
Provide basic tools – teach your baby basic calm techniques, at 8 months plus helping her find her comforter or pacifier to help calm herself. Avoid giving it to her and putting it in her hand or mouth. Once you give it to her you are creating learned helplessness and she will not attempt to help herself longterm.
Demonstrate self-help techniques – show your baby how to calm himself, provide a teething rusk or teething aid such as Sophie the Giraffe to help him whilst he is teething. Show him acceptable ways of helping himself rather than chastising him for ways you don’t want him to use e.g. biting your finger.
Daily Routines Help Develop Security and Self-Control
Routines are events which happen at the same time each day and usually in a particular order. They acat as a cue to help the baby know what is likely to happen next. They create security and decrease cortisol and help a baby navigate change and challenging situations.
How you can help
Determine if there are any particular times of day your baby has a meltdown. Is there a common denominator e.g. around mealtimes or nap times? Organise trips at the baby’s ‘best’ time of day.
Use baby massage, reading and soothing lullabies to help calm your baby from activity time to a restful nap.
Does your baby have a very definite strong personality and temperament and are they resistant to change? Working out your baby’s ‘type’ can help you manage them much better.
A baby’s temperament can have an impact on a care- giver’s ability to meet the baby’s needs. Temperament refers to a person’s characteristics or traits that are biologically based and consistent over time. It influences how we respond to people and our surroundings.
Temperament characteristics shape how easily babies and toddlers are able to manage their feelings and impulses, especially traits e.g.
Intensity to particular situations
Children who have a more negative mood, are intense reactors and/or who are not very flexible or adaptable may have a more difficult time developing self-control.
They tend to get upset more easily and will probably need more help from you the parent to calm down. This doesn’t mean their temperament is somehow “wrong” or “bad.” But because their reactions are so strong, it may take more time to learn how to manage intense feelings and responses.
Help your baby learn to self-soothe and calm herself, the more in control she feels the happier she will be. This is a skill which has to be taught and it won’t just happen by chance. Allow your baby to have a voice, to be allowed to cry and express herself. The key thing is you help her with her emotions and avoid letting her cry alone. This is why teaching babies self-soothing skills early is the key to good emotional health as a child and an adult.
Observe your baby and try to understand her feeding and hunger cues. Study her verbal and non-verbal communication, what is she trying to tell you? Once babies feel heard and understood they become much calmer.
And if you’re battling with getting your little one to sleep then… You need to know about my NEWLY launched online #nurturesleepprogram 💤😴
You’ll have direct access to me and my 3 decades of experience as a registered midwife and child and family health nurse via the Nurture Sleep Program.
You can take your baby from sleepless to slumber in up to 7 easy lessons across 3 age groups once you join. Toddler section coming soon.
🍌 FOODS that promote baby sleep ⏰ ROUTINE: easy, flexible, sleep-ready 💡 ENVIRONMENT: getting it right 👶🏽 DEVELOPMENT: changes, how these affect sleep 😴 SLEEP METHODS: secret tips that will change your life
It will stop the guesswork and give you:
✅ A tried and tested approach (20 years of helping families with baby & toddler sleep) ✅ Evidence-based ✅ Gentle baby sleep methods ✅ Holistic assessment ✅ Nurture & Nourish nutrition program – all recipes have sleep-inducing ingredients and a perfect balance for a good nights sleep ✅ Access to a closed Facebook group for one on one support from Karen and 90+ timecoded Facebook Live videos ✅ Prevention for under 4 months so no need to do sleep training ever ✅ And all at a low $97 for a very limited time
At around 7-10 months your baby will most likely be all 4’s crawling and the stage is important for learning. Between 9-18 months they start to pull to stand and take their first steps. The first thing you need to do is to childproof your home environment to prevent these inquisitive babies keeping out of trouble. Babies by nature are curious and saying NO means absolutely NOTHING! Impulse control is something all babies and toddlers do not have until past 3 years. As the parent, you have to protect your baby.
When it comes to sleep, even the bedroom needs childproofing. Prepare your cot for these changes by moving the mattress down to the lowest level. The last thing you want is a jumper and escapee in the middle of the night. My youngest jumper out of a cot was 9 months old! Eek.
Childproof your home
Also, think about safety in the home before starting to become more mobile.
Babies are extremely egocentric with no understanding of the world other than their own current point of view. During this stage the baby’s understanding is, objects exist and events occur in the world independently of their own actions (‘the object concept’, or ‘object permanence’).
Object permanence means knowing an object still exists, even if it is hidden out of sight. Requiring the ability (on the baby’s part) to form a mental representation of the object.
For example, placing a toy under a blanket, the baby who has achieved object permanence knows it is still there and can actively look for it. At the beginning of this stage the baby is behaving as if the toy has simply disappeared. The attainment of object permanence is signalling the transition to the next stage of development (preoperational).
The 6 Stages of Object Permanence & Separation Anxiety
Babies at 6-8 months can often cry for no particular reason and it can be troubling for a parent. It’s important to be aware, as a parent, you don’t need to fix all their emotional crying. It’s a stress release for the baby and is cathartic. This can be quite a challenging concept for a parent to wrap their head around.
Aletha Solther, an eminent Psychologist, advises parents to (once all needs are met) accept babies may cry for a time while being held, rocked and/or verbally reassured. The crying can then become productive by building trust. Whilst allowing babies and little ones to process big emotions in the only way they are capable.
Suppressing emotions is counter productive and can actually be harmful, research has found. It’s refusing to allow the baby to have a voice and be heard. Once this happens it risks becoming a control pattern. It is actually quite harmful and the baby absorbs their stress. For example a crying baby is put on the breast or a dummy placed in their mouth it is saying to the baby your emotions are not valid.
Never Allow Babies To Cry Alone
As Aletha Solter says, “One of the roles of parents is to listen and empathize with babies and children. You cannot always “fix” everything for your baby, but you can help by being there, holding, listening, and letting her know you love her”. The key thing to remember is we NEVER ALLOW BABIES TO CRY ALONE. Allow your baby to cry in your arms as long as the baby needs to (after all immediate needs have been met). After the baby is allowed to “catch up” on the crying they need to do, they will probably become much less demanding and fussy.
Nurture Parenting's Karen Faulkner is a baby sleep and toddler expert who brings calm and sleep into families and gives parents their confidence back.
Cerris Pty Ltd trading as Nurture Parenting - ABN 42 623 216 384 - Sydney, Australia